Did you guys see the Grammys the other night? Christ, there are more subcategories than Larry Flynt's home video library. I think somebody actually won for "Best Silence."

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the music industry is in more trouble than a late-shift radar operator in Baghdad.

Hey, lets put our cards on the obsolete turntable. The Music Industry has nothing to do with music. What you hear on the radio today is one-half marketing, one-half public relations and two-thirds timing. And if that math makes sense to you, you probably work in the Royalties Department at any one of the major labels...

I love music. It gives you something to listen to while you're watching videos. And make no mistake, the music industry has turned itself into a visual medium and, that being the case, I feel I'm within my rights to respectfully request that the members of Steely Dan never be allowed to appear on a prime-time telecast ever again. For Christ's sake, for a second there, I thought I was watching "The X-Files." Is it just me, or do the two guys in Steely Dan look like Ben & Jerry coming out of rehab? The only reason Steely Dan's latest album is selling so well is that 50-year-olds don't know how to download it for free.

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You know why Eminem showed up at the Grammy's? Because it sells. Eminem isn't about freedom of speech as much as he is about the freedom to make a buck. He isn't peddling his songs underground to get his point across; he needs controversy to keep him famous because of his unfortunate dearth of talent. He stops selling records, and no one gives a f*** about his freedom of speech anymore. You think Gino Vanelli stopped making records because he gave up the right to his freedom of speech?...

Pop music has a rich legacy of ripping people off. First, the white musicians stole from the blacks. Then, the producers stole from the performers. Then, the performers and the producers formed an alliance to steal from us by charging 19 dollars for a CD with only one halfway decent song on it. So I for one salute Napster, because it's high time the public finally had an opportunity to horn in on a piece of the action. Considering how badly you get f***ed every time you go into a record store, I have to assume Richard Branson was trying to be ironic when he named the place Virgin.

Now, industry people will tell you that Napster is unfair, and denies musicians of their rightful, hard-earned cash. But musicians are going to waste their hard-earned cash anyway, OK? They're musicians. Napster will only be a serious problem for the industry when it starts cutting into a musicians anonymous backstage b***job residuals.

Hey, the bottom line on Napster is, it means no more paying for overpriced CD's and putting money into the pockets of the bloated, corrupt media conglomerates. All you need is a computer with a high-speed modem, extra memory, a CD-ROM attachment, an extra phone line, Internet access, a CD burner, blank CD's, a how-to manual, and NO F***ING LIFE.

You know what -- the music industry has always been about the coin. If they'd been invented at the time, Mozart would've sold t-shirts in the back of the hall. And Ticketmaestro would've skimmed their 20% off the top...

From the "Dennis Miller Live" site -- go here and click on "Rants."

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BY PAUL MALONEY
The Internet is usually considered the roadway that will carry us into the future, but lately I've been enjoying the ride with the car in reverse. It's now possible to experience the radio of the past as it truly was -- without a trip to a broadcast museum or library -- at Classic Stars Radio Online.

The first thing you need to know is that you can't access the stream from the site. Classic Stars Radio is channel V-8 on the iM Networks tuner, and it can be accessed only from there. But you can download the iM tuning software from the CSRO site and access everything on iM's network without purchasing the iM Tuner appliance. I'm not sure why there is no way to hear the programs directly from the site; perhaps it has something to do with financing the stream. Nonetheless, I'm sure that more than one visitor has left the site disappointed without having understood how to listen -- and those listeners have missed a treat.

Boy, has radio changed over the course of 75 years. In this age of cable and satellite television, the Internet and digital music and video, it takes some effort to imagine a world in which broadcast radio is the predominant source of entertainment and information for the United States -- and most of the world. With radio holding such an important place in society, its programming had to be much deeper and more engrossing than that of the "passive" medium that radio is usually considered to be today.

Listen to some of the dramas or news updates on CSRO, and think about what went into that programming. Hear music that was often composed specifically for the show it aired on. Hear original stories performed by first-rate actors -- backed by musicians who were live in the studio. Hear real reporters who have gone out and done their own legwork on breaking news.

CSRO's programming is served up as a scheduled mix of shows. You can tune in at regular times for, among many others programs, Fibber McGee and Molly, The Great Gildersleeve, Inner Sanctum and The Fred Allen (pictured right) Show, and, from time to time, the station features such specials as Jack Benny Presents the Best of Olde Tyme Radio. To add to the experience, old commercials and newscasts play between the featured programs.

The website itself offers a bit of background on most of the shows. Visitors can click on links to find out more about The Shadow, My Favorite Husband, Amos and Andy and the truly scary Lights Out. There's a daily vintage Superman comic strip (as historical ambiance, I guess), a chat function, a guest book and even a black-and-white webcam. The entire project seems to be the hobby of one or two people, as evidenced by the unsophisticated site design and the webcam, which shows what looks like someone's living room.

The Musicbox Theater here in Chicago recently featured the 1934 William Powell-Myrna Loy (pictured left) classic The Thin Man as a Saturday matinee. On CSRO I was able to enjoy it again; Miss Loy is the featured star for March on the Relive the Legends show, which will be airing the radio versions of the Thin Man mystery series throughout the month.

Classic Stars Radio Online is an excellent resource for radio fans who want to relive -- or discover- - the radio of an earlier time. There is a wealth of different shows, enhanced by the in-period commercials and newscasts. All together, it creates an exciting and interesting window on our industry's and this country's past.

With such terrific content already in place, some work on the nonradio elements of the project could really make it shine. Some professional design work would be a good starting point, and it would be particularly nice to see more photographs of the stars on the shows' background pages. And, of course, the ability to access the stream directly from the site would be a useful addition.

Having a spot on the iM Tuner is great, but taking fuller advantage of the material's potential and improving the experience of visiting the site could help CSRO build an even bigger audience.

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May 3-4, 2001	Streaming Media Asia 2001: Hong Kong